<h1>An Aunt’s Story</h1>
Wiping away the last of the blue milk from the table, you realize that the chores are done. You sigh as once again, the men in the house have failed to help clean up and stuck you with all the work.
Perhaps it’s time to talk to them.
You could [[try talking to Grumpy Husband|talk to owen]] or perhaps it might be better [[to see what your Whiny Nephew is up to|talk to luke]].Grumpy Husband did what he always does does after dinner: slouched into the living room sofa, flipped on the holoprojector, and put on the pod races. He’s mesmerized by the action, taking occasional sips from his beer. He’s halfway through the 12-pack as you enter.
“Don’t bother me, woman,” he slurs, his eyes not moving from the race.
Looking at him, it becomes clear to you that [[going ahead with your big plan to change everything|proceed with plan - owen]] is the right way to go. But there’s a part of you — the part that always tells you to “stay in your lane” — that tells you that sometimes he’s nice, that he’s a good provider, and hey, what other prospects do I have living on this rock? Maybe I should just [[accept things as they are|accept fate]].You walk into the garage, where Whiny Nephew spends what little time he has when he’s not helping Grumpy Husband on the farm, eking the scant moisture from Tattooine’s arid atmosphere.
He’s sitting at his tool table doing what he does best: moping and bellyaching. So what else is new? At least he has those droids to keep him busy.
Whiny Nephew turns to you. “Aunt Beru,” he says, “I think these droids are stolen.”
Oh, great, you think to yourself. That throws a wrench in my plans.
“I think you should report this,” says Whiny Nephew, who’s always been a bit too much of a goody two-shoes for his own good. You wonder if his dad was this much of a crybaby, and what his mom saw in the guy.
You could [[get the cops involved|call cops]], or simply [[proceed with your original plan|proceed with plan - luke]].You slip into your room and quietly call up the local constabulary on your comlink. In a matter of minutes, a couple of nice friendly stormtroopers arrive.
The ’troopers put your Grumpy Husband and Whiny Nephew under arrest, slapping binders on their hands behind their backs. You allow a slight smirk to cross your face as they are led away, never to be seen again.
They put restraining bolts on the stolen droids. Now immobilized, it’s very easy for them to use laser cutters to slice into the R2 unit, from which they retrieve some kind of data tape (this movie was made the 1970s, so yes, data is stored on tapes).
“You’ve done a great service to the Empire, ma’am,” says the commanding officer. “There’s a 250,000-credit reward for these droids.”
“Oh dear,” are the last words you hear the protocol droid say before it and the now-headless R2 unit are taken away for scrap.
After all this fuss, it’s time for a nice vacation. With a quarter million credits in your account, you can go anywhere and do anything you like! Hours later, you’re flying first class to a place you’ve always wanted to visit: the lush, beautiful, fantastic vacation desination of Alderaan.
THE END.“Don’t worry,” you reassure Whiny Nephew, giving him a gentle kiss on his forehead. “There aren’t my first stolen droids. I’ve got a bulk eraser in the closet, and we can wipe their memories clean tomorrow. I’ll also show you how to file off their serial numbers.”
Whiny Nephew looks at you with big bantha eyes and nods. You send him off to bed. The protocol droid shuts down for the night. That leaves the R2 unit.
[[Looking at the R2 unit, you get an idea|deal with R2]].The movie continues as scripted, which is good for Whiny Nephew; not so good for you.
THE END.In the morning, Whiny Nephew realizes that the R2 unit has broken free of its restraining bolt. He and the protocol droid hop into the landspeeder in the direction of Beggar’s Canyon.
With all witnesses out of the way, you take something from a hidden panel in the pantry and walk into the living room, where Grumpy Husband passed out last night. He slowly wakes as you walk in, staring dumbly at you, a single drop of spittle dangling from his lips.
“Owen,” you say as you level the blaster at him, “it’s over.”
One shot would’ve been sufficient, but you wanted to be sure. You fire repeatedly until the blaster becomes too hot to hold.
Hours later, you’re at Mos Eisley spaceport, flying off into a brand new life. You left a fake corpse beside Grumpy Husband’s ruins; Whiny Nephew’s not all the bright and will simply assume that you and Grumpy Husband were killed by itinerant Tuskens, meandering Jawas, or who-know-what-else.
Much later, you find out that Whiny Nephew made the news. He’s a terrorist now!
THE ENDYour plan to deal with Grumpy Husband requires no witnesses. You need to get Whiny Nephew away from the house for a few hours tomorrow morning.
You get an idea. Later that night, after you’re sure that everyone has fallen asleep, you [[sneak into the garage to check up on the droids|deal with R2]].Looking at the R2 unit’s head, you see that it’s got some kind of data tape inserted into it. You press the “eject” button below its eye, and out pops the tape.
You recognize the tape’s case and markings not just as Imperial data storage, but highly secure Imperial data storage. This droid’s way too hot, but it gives you an idea.
You reinsert the tape back into the R2 unit, boot it up, and tell it that you know where to find the master it’s been beeping and booping about since its arrival.
“Of course your master is the crazy old hermit who lives on the far side of Beggar’s Canyon. EVERYBODY knows that old BEN Kenobi is OBI-WAN Kenobi. That has got to be the DUMBEST witness protection program name.”
You pull the restraining bolt from the R2 unit. It lets out a quiet “squeeee!” of delight, and wheels away. (Once outside of the camera’s field of vision, it pops little rockets out of its sides and FLIES to Beggar’s Canyon.)
Now it’s time to [[deal with Grumpy Husband|deal with owen]].