Category: Current Events

On this Saturday’s Saturday Night Live, the most relevant bit was on the Weekend Update segment where Colin Jost interviewed “Kevin O’Leary” (played by James Austin Johnson) about his plans to build his Stratos data center in Utah and the resistance to his plans.

Here’s the video…

 

…and here’s the transcript of the skit:

Colin Jost: According to a new poll, 75% of Americans would oppose an AI data center being built near them, making it one of the country’s most unifying issues.

Here to comment is the man who proposed building the world’s largest data center in Utah. “Shark Tank’s” Mr. Wonderful, Kevin O’Leary.

[ Cheers and applause ]

Kevin O’Leary: Thank you, Colin. It’s a pleasure. Thanks for having me.

Colin: Thank you for being here. So what happened, Mr. Wonderful? Protesters in Utah are forcing you to downsize your project?

O’Leary: I’m glad you asked, Colin. And it’s very simple.

All I want is to buy up 40,000 acres of God’s untouched splendor and replace it with a very loud computer that steals your job.

[ Laughter ]

Is it going to take up precious water? Absolutely.

Is it going to provide a necessary service? Who’s to say?

But on the flip side, it’s going to make me a tremendous amount of money. And I think that’s great.

[ Laughter ]

Colin: Right.

Well, most Americans don’t want data centers near them.

O’Leary: And I agree with them completely.

Colin: You do?

O’Leary: Of course, Colin.

These things are terrible and shouldn’t be anywhere. That’s why I’m building one in Utah.

And this is actually very simple. I’m going to show you on this map.

Alright? See, this is Stratos, my data center with the most evil name of all time. And sure, it looks big.

The noise and water pollution? That’s only going to affect this area. Colin, you have to understand, I don’t live there.

[ Laughter ]

Colin: Right. But, like, other people do live there.

O’Leary: You’re missing the point. That’s not real to me. Okay?

Those people’s lives, those are Sims. Alright?

Look, I’m a numbers guy, okay? When I missed out on investing in Scrub Daddy, I learned a very valuable lesson, which is I’m going to destroy the world.

[ Laughter ]

Colin: That sounds pretty extreme.

O’Leary: Well, that’s because you’re poor.

[ Laughter ]

Colin: Actually I’m not. My wife gives me lots of spending money.

[ Laughter ]

[ Cheers and applause ]

Colin: [to the camera] That’s not nice.

[To O’Leary] And aren’t you being sued for defamation in Utah?

O’Leary: Look, yes, I made the mildly inflammatory claim that every single person in Utah who opposes me is a paid communist super agent from China.

Was I wrong? Perhaps. But just because they’re not, doesn’t mean they aren’t.

Colin: What?

O’Leary: Look, Colin, when I missed out on Bombas socks, I could have gotten mad. But instead I made a decision.

I’m going to make the future go away. And we’re doing just that in Utah.

Colin: Mr. Wonderful, everyone.

[ Cheers and applause ]

O’Leary: And for that reason, I’m out.